Matt’s Top Ten Monster List

It’s Monster Tuesday on Monsters and Mayhem, so I thought it might be funny to ask my favorite monster hunter what his favorite monsters are…

 

Hey everybody, my name’s Matt Archer…and I hunt monsters.  Heh, that sounds familiar.  Anyway, just because I hunt monsters doesn’t mean I don’t have an appreciation for them. Call it a professional curiosity, maybe. Just in time for Halloween, I’ve created a top ten list of my favorite monsters. Check ‘em out:

 10.      Frankenstein’s Monster:  Old school, sure, but the dude has bolts in his neck. Bolts! Plus, the guy was made over with spare parts and brought back from the dead by a lightning bolt. Pretty badass.

9.        The Loch Ness Monster:  A lot of people don’t think Nessie is real, but I know better–I’ve seen the intel. Um, oops, I probably shouldn’t have said anything. Moving on…

8.        Medusa:  Okay, this chick has snakes for hair. Now, I’ve seen freakish bed-head (my brother’s hair looks like something mice would nest in); Medusa takes it to a whole different level, though. And she can turn people into stone. That’s kind of useful.

7.        Freddy Krueger:  Retro, but awesome. Those claws and that melted face? I watched Nightmare on Elm Street with my friend Will when we were ten. We pulled it up on pay-per-view in his room when his folks were out and, oh my God. I couldn’t sleep without my closet light on for two weeks. (Please don’t tell anyone. Totally embarrassing.)

6.        Godzilla:  This guy is so freaking sick, he has his own theme song. Just saying.

5.        Flying Monkeys:  You know how some people say, “Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt?” If you watched the Wizard of Oz, I think you’d change your mind about saying that.

4.        Zombies:  They’re undead, and they want to eat your brains. I can’t imagine anything nastier than that, unless it’s…

3.        The Clown from IT:  I will never go to a circus again. Never. But, speaking of clowns…

2.        Just about everything in Poltergeist:  My mom made us watch it last Halloween, calling it a “Gen-X Classic Sream-fest.” I thought it sounded pretty cheesy. Yeah, not so much. The clown attacking the kid, the skeletons in the pool, the dude’s face melting, the girl talking to the “other world” through the TV? Crap almighty.

So what could possibly beat those? For me, that’s easy. See, I hunt earth-bound monsters. Ghosts might be a problem because I’m not sure the knife works on beings that aren’t solid, but they haven’t given me much trouble either way. What I’m not so sure about are monsters from another planet…

1.      The Alien You know the one—anything that can explode out of someone’s stomach then go on a rampage? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. You want to scare the crap out of me? Strap me in a chair and play the original Alien. I’ll never forgive my brother for making me watch that.

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